One thing I consciously try to do is to be present in the moment. It is a daily struggle for me and has been for as long as I can remember. But it is mostly a struggle in the winter time. As much as we absolutely adore the holidays (which run from Halloween until New Year's Eve), I get the winter blahs come the morning of January 1. The more fun the Christmas season is, I feel like the harder I crash. It is kind of like the day after Sadie was born when I was in the hospital and the doctor came in to ask me "What is your pain level today, from a 1 to a 10, and 10 being the worst?" "A NEGATIVE TWENTY" I assured him, as I held my perfect new baby girl in my arms, and smiled ear to ear, in a room full of flowers and well wishing guests all around. "Let me just warn you," he told me "You are going to crash really hard." And he was right.
I have the same problems with January every year. I generally don't like cold weather, but I do love a good walk in the snow. We have had none of that in Richmond, notwithstanding Sadie praying for it most evenings. It hasn't necessarily been an early spring either... just kind of moderately chilly. Not cold enough for gloves, but too cold for bare hands. It is just kind of... .January-like.
But January is over now, and we have quite an exciting February lined up. First, Valentine's Day -- and if there is a reason for decorations, we make them! Then we hear back from the private schools we have applied for kindergarten on February 18th, and thereafter will know the school where Sadie will hopefully be spending the next 13 years of her life. And then on the 28th, we have surgery on Sadie's birthmark.
My sweet little girl has done a complete reversal on her opinions about her surgery and says that she is looking forward to it. We don't sense any anxiety from her (though surely as the date approaches, there will be normal fear and apprehension from her, and from us). She knows that she will get to spend a few days laying on our couch and watching as much television as she wants while eating ice cream for every meal if she so chooses (not something that the doctor has said will be necessary, but her only experience with surgeries is friends who have gotten their tonsils out so why shouldn't we adopt their course of recovery). She knows that she will have special visitors in the hospital and no doubt to the house after she comes home if she feels like it. And she knows that everyone is excited for her. When we told our pediatrician on Monday that she was having the surgery, in front of Sadie, Dr. Nelson's response was a huge grin, a high five to Sadie and "Terrific!" exclaimed. Every single person Sadie encounters projects confidence and positivity on this, not fear or uncertainty. It has really been incredible to watch Sadie's turn-about.
And in the midst of all of this, Sadie has two very loose bottom front teeth. I discovered these after a trip across the country a few weeks ago, having come home to see that her bottom teeth were really no longer evenly spaced. I reached out and wiggled it... and I am not sure if Sadie or I was more stunned, and each of us felt like we might throw up! It took some getting used to, but it has been exciting to watch the new tooth peak through and both of the old ones get looser and looser. I look at her most nights and am struck that my newborn will be five years old in just over a month.
So we are looking forward. We are trying to enjoy the days between this and that by staying healthy (or in each of our situations, getting healthy as Mark and Sadie are on antibiotics for sinus infections and I am not far behind with a bad cold and next to no voice). With hopefully a few sweet treats, a visit from the tooth fairy, and some positive news on the school front, the end of the month will be here before we know it. And thereafter--- SPRING will bring with it a five year birthday. Life is indeed, blessed.
